The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
