So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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