Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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