Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
