I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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