well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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