Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
