just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
