Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
