mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
True strength comes from lack of pants
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
