OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Randomize
