Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
