All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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