How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize