Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
