Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
