Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize