New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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