I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
