My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
