Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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