i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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