I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
