I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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