dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
