So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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