It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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