hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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