I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
