I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize