Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
