I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
