she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
