if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
