I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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