it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
