Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize