Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
