I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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