no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
