omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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