A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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