actually, I'm a sock model
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
