At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You are the jesus of drinking
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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