She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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