Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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