Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
