She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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