There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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