I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
