how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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