she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
