i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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