she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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