why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
