I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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