Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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