People with herpes should wear stickers.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
