You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize