In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
