he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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