Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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