roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
