Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
