What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
