we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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