I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
