Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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