We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
