I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
