I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
