Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
