Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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