Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
