I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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