I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he thought i was a dude.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
