So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
