That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
