are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize