This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
