y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
